Your emotions after having your baby

While you are pregnant and after you give birth you might develop strong emotions about having a baby. You will probably experience joy, love, delight and surprise. At the same time, you may also feel anxious, stressed, angry and frustrated.

Often you learn how to be a parent as you go along. It can be harder to cope with your emotions if you are:

• living away from your family
• learning to parent on your own

Often, having a baby is different from what you expected. You might be worried about different things, if:

• the birth didn't go as planned
• breastfeeding is harder than you thought it would be
• you are having some tough days

Many parents feel lost at the beginning. You might feel as though you are not coping. Over time, your parenting skills improve and your confidence grows.

Some parents experience negative feelings towards their baby. Talk to your doctor or child health nurse if these feelings:

• are intense
• do not go away
• keep coming back

A low mood or overwhelming thoughts and feelings may be signs of perinatal anxiety or depression.

Common worries and fears for new parents

When you are caring for your new baby, it is common to feel worried or anxious. You might have concerns about your baby's health, development or wellbeing.

The sudden changes that come along with having a baby can also create other worries. Below is an explanation of some common worries with tips on how to manage them.

Worried your baby will die while they are asleep

Many parents fear their baby will choke, roll over or experience sudden unexpected death in infancy (SUDI).

To help keep your baby safe:

• always place your baby on their back to sleep
• make sure your baby's face and head are uncovered
• keep your baby away from cigarette smoke, before and after birth
• do not let your baby get too hot
• breastfeed your baby, if possible

For their first 6 months, the safest place for your baby to sleep is in a cot in a room with you.

Worried you do not love your baby

You may feel that you have not bonded with your baby. It can take days, weeks or months until you feel close with your baby.

After giving birth, you will likely feel a mix of emotions. If you feel very low and disconnected from your baby, talk to your doctor or child health nurse.

Worried you will harm your baby's fontanelle

Babies are born with 2 soft spots on their heads called fontanelles. The fontanelles are tougher than you think. The front (anterior) fontanelle often does not fully close until a baby is 18 months of age.

While you should always take care of your baby's head, you can gently touch or stroke their head.

Worried you will drop the baby

To reduce your chance of falling while holding your baby, make your home safe by:

• checking carpets and rugs for snags or loose edges
• keeping stairs and walkways clear of objects
• taking your time when moving around with your baby
• using night lights to avoid walking around in the dark
• avoiding unsafe footwear, such as loose slippers

Worried there is something wrong with your baby

You may find yourself comparing your baby's development with that of other babies. Remember that children develop at their own pace and reach milestones at different times. It is important to see your child health nurse regularly to check your baby's development, using the check-up sections in their Child Health Record.

If you are worried there is something wrong, trust your instincts. You do not have to carry your worries alone. Talk to your child health nurse or doctor.

Worried your baby is crying too much

It is normal for newborn babies to cry. Crying may increase in your baby's first few weeks and peak at around 6 to 8 weeks of age. Babies aged 6 to 8 weeks cry for an average of 2 hours a day. Crying usually improves by the time your baby is 3 months old.

Check with your doctor if:

• your baby's crying or irritability comes on suddenly
• their crying sounds different
• you are worried about your baby
• you are finding the crying stressful or upsetting

Worried your baby is sleeping too much

Every baby is different. Some sleep most of the day, while others wake up many times. On average, newborn babies sleep 11 to 19 hours in a 24-hour period. By 3 months, the average is 15 hours of sleep.

For the first few weeks, your baby should be waking to have 8 to 12 feeds in 24 hours.

If you are concerned about your baby's sleep and feeding, talk to your child health nurse. If you are breastfeeding, a lactation consultant can advise you on how often to feed your baby.

Read more about baby sleep patterns by age and about sleep and settling your baby.

Worried about money

Many parents worry they will not be able to provide financially for their baby.

It is best to start planning before you give birth and to budget once your baby is born. You may also be entitled to government assistance, including:

• Parental Leave Pay
• Family Tax Benefit
• Child Care Subsidy
• Parenting Payment

For more information about payments and benefits, visit the Services Australia website.

Resources and support

Talk to your partner, family or someone else you trust if you have worries or fears. You can also talk to your doctor, midwife, or child health nurse.

For more support and information, try the following organisations:

• PANDA (Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Australia) supports the mental health of parents and families during pregnancy and in their first year of parenthood — phone 1300 726 306.
• ForWhen provides mental health support for expecting and new parents. Phone the National Helpline on 1300 24 23 22.
• Gidget Foundation supports the emotional wellbeing of expectant and new parents — phone 1300 851 758.
• Beyond Blue provides mental health support and information. You can call a counsellor on 1300 22 4636 or chat to a counsellor online.
• The Centre of Perinatal Excellence (COPE) has resources and tips for LGBTIQ+ parents and rainbow families.

Languages other than English

• Parent Line is a free telephone counselling and support service for parents and carers. They offer parenting support for parents from culturally diverse backgrounds.
• The Parenting in Australia Multicultural Parent Easy Guide, published by Parenting SA, offers practical parenting advice in a range of community languages in easy-to-read PDF format.

Information for Aboriginal and/or Torres Strait Islander peoples

• Visit Birthing on Country for information on projects that support Aboriginal and/or Torres Strait Islander babies and their families.
• Baby Coming You Ready is a culturally safe support for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander parents to be and new parents.